Naked with strangers

What is it about spa treatments that make us totally comfortable about stripping down to undies or less?

I love spa treatments. Love.them. Mani/pedi, facial, massage, yes please!!! Many years ago, before Sunshine, I was a spa junkie. Manicure (acrylic fill) every 2 weeks. I'd get itchy if I had to go 3. Pedicure every month. Facial every month & a massage every month or every other. It's amazing the money & time that I had for all of this! I still get pedicures every month or so. I have to admit, I'm a fan of the "chop shop" mani/pedi rather than the spa versions, especially since a friend told me how her salon offers a hot stone massage (I die!) with their pedis. I don't care who came up with the concept of a hot stone applied to the body, but I love 'em! I start to slide down in the chair & am thisclose to drooling during a good one.

Last year, Hunter gave me a gift certificate to local day spa for their signature spa package as an anniversary present. Our anniversary is in December. It's November. Procrastinate much?? I had the Signature Diamond Microdermabrasion Facial & the Hot Stone Massage. I know, I'm amazed I can even keep my eyes open, too!

Facials are bizarre things when you think about them. You're half nekkie, in a dim room with someone you may or may not know very well. In my case, it was with Jessica, whom I had never seen before in my life.

It all starts off innocently enough--gentle facial cleansing, a little massage action on the cheeks, forehead, chin. A scrub, a mask, upper body massage, or if you're lucky---lower leg & foot. Then all of a sudden things get nasty. They get mean. Your relaxing, dimly lit room suddenly becomes glaringly bright & this person you may or may not know very well is hurting you. A lot. They call it "extraction" ---please. It's pretty torturous & I'm willing to bet it's against the Geneva Convention. I don't care if you've had one facial or 1,000. Extractions hurt. And trust me Jessica, I know hurt. I had a 17 hr labor followed by a c section to deliver an 11 lb baby. And afterward, I was the only mother in the Mother/Baby Unit who was walking with her baby 6 hrs after giving birth. The mother who had a baby 1/2 Sunshine's size? Never.left.her.room. I was the fool walking the halls with my morphine drip. But, I digress.

So after the Gestapo treatment (I'm convinced Jessica's a war criminal), we moved on to the diamond microdermabrasion. I have to admit, in all of my facial history, I'd never had it done before. But now that I'm of a certain age (yes, 43 & I make it look good!), I think it would help. I started taking good care of my skin in my late teens, use sunscreen daily, but still. Certain age.

The microderm wasn't too bad & my skin certainly feels like the proverbial baby's bottom. I've decided that my Mother's Day gift needs to be another GC for another facial.

Jessica---we will meet again. Oh yes we will

A real "must see"

Last night HBO premiered a documentary called War Torn about PTSD. It offers a glimpse into the personal hell faced by the soldiers who suffer from it. It also shares the frustrations & fears their families experience.

Back in '08 when Hunter came home from his 3rd & final tour in Iraq, we spent 3 hours in a mandatory marriage seminar that focused on helping military couples remember what it's like to live as a couple again. It also touched on PTSD & at the time how 12-20% of all returning soldiers would suffer from it. That percentage has been raised to almost 30%.

I first suspected something wasn't right with Hunter when he came home from his 2nd tour in '06. He managed to hide his symptoms for about 7 months after coming home. He met with a chaplain in the Family Life Offices on post (usually a first stop for most soldiers & their families dealing with post-deployment issues). They suggested he come back, but that was about it. They were busy preparing for their next deployment as we were on the year home/year gone cycle. He left again in March '07 as part of the surge & would be gone 14 months.

Within a few months of returning in '08, his symptoms of PTSD & TBI began to manifest. The agitation, discomfort with crowds, noise, the memory issues, various physical issues--all classic textbook symptoms. I began to notice that these were lessened if we were away from home. Thanksgiving & Christmas were spent with family out of state & things were nice. With the exception that some family members didn't want accept the possibility that he had PTSD. One person told me that so & so couldn't accept the fact that Hunter had PTSD. Others suggested that his thyroid was off & maybe he needed to be tested as it ran in the family. It's hard to comprehend what things are like for the spouse of a soldier unless you've been the spouse of a soldier. Just as I will never know what things were like for Hunter (or any soldier) when they're in country because I wasn't there.

All I knew was things weren't right with my husband & I felt like I had almost no one to turn to. What should have been a happy time for us (having him home with us ) was frustrating because my fears were dismissed as other people wanted to sweep them under the rug for their own comfort.

I should say, I have one friend who got it at that time. Her experience w/ her husband's PTSD nearly destroyed their family & their marriage. She was and is a huge source of inspiration to me & knowing she & her husband came through it all made me believe that we could too. She knows who she is & that I love her.


Starting in late January & going thru June '09, we saw him 2-3 days a week. It was almost like a deployment only I knew he was no more than 25 miles away & he wasn't in harm's way. On the days he was home, he was exhausted & needed to catch up on laundry & whatever else the Army was demanding of him. In mid-June he finally found a doctor who was willing to work with him.

In July '09, I was on my way to VT to visit my parents as my father was dying. Hunter was supposed to leave for a 30 day TDY & we had an emergency plan in place should Dad die while Hunter was gone. I was 3 hours away from home when Hunter called me. His PTSD had come to a head & he was basically breaking down. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. I was so far away from him & had no way to help him. We agreed he should go to the ER & I began calling his supervisors. One of whom was absolutely no help. He suggested that perhaps Hunter was just not wanting to go on the TDY. No one wants to go on a 30 day TDY less than 2 months before they're leaving for a 14-15 month deployment, but to suggest that was the problem was completely stupid.

July '09 was a brutal month for our family. My father did die on the 17th of July. Hunter began treatment for his PTSD & would eventually be diagnosed with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury), as well as other physical issues. In Sept. 09 he would be transferred to the Warrior Transition Brigade where he received daily treatment. It felt like a weight was lifted from our shoulders as FINALLY someone got it! They knew what was wrong, they didn't try to deny it, they treated him & accepted him. They wanted him to get better. We began seeing a change in him at home--his patience level increased. We didn't have to leave parties early b/c of the noise. The memory issues slowly improved. In February '10 he received his disability rating from the Army & in May, was retired.

The funny thing about being medically retired is there is no walking across the stage. There's no ceremony, no thanking the soldier for their service. You're just done. Game over.

So, back to War Torn. I didn't expect to feel the emotions that I did while watching. I didn't expect to see aspects of our life together on TV. The coping skills of one of the wives really hit home & I saw so much of myself in her. The things she's thought, the thing's she's had to do. I sat there & just bawled like a baby.

I feel that I should stop for a second & say that unlike this woman's husband, Hunter has never become violent. Not all PTSD victims are.

But man, so many of the things she & her husband said & did---been there, done that.

When it was over & I managed to dry my eyes, I gave Hunter a huge hug & told him how much I love him. BRAVO, HBO for putting this out there. For taking away the stigma associated with PTSD. For showing the human side of it.

Veterans Day 2010

"On this Veterans Day, let us remember the service of our veterans, and let us renew our national promise to fulfill our sacred obligations to our veterans and their families who have sacrificed so much so that we can live free."
Dan Lipinski

Sometimes, on Monday afternoons

when we're not feeling well, we make pumpkin bread & pumpkin muffins. And when they're done, we get out Hunter's grandmother's china & have a tea party.

Memory

Isn't it amazing how looking at a picture takes you back to that moment?

This was taken in late Oct. '04. Sunshine was almost 7 months & had started to crawl. She had 2 teeth & was a champion sleeper (going down around 7 & sleeping until 5 or so in the morning). Hunter was preparing to deploy in 2 months & I was in the throes of PPD. MIL was visiting us for a few days & snapped this picture while we were walking Libby & Sunshine late in the afternoon.

I remember getting these back (they were taken on our old Nikon 35mm camera that required film. One day you'll have to explain to your child what film was) & thinking how awful they all looked. I hadn't lost all my baby weight (9 mos on, 9 months off, right?) & looked ginormous. Hunter looked lobotomized & Sunshine wouldn't look at the camera.

About a year or so ago I found this group of pictures & it took me back to a wonderful time in my life. Yeah, I hadn't lost the baby weight but the look of sheer joy on our faces brought tears to my eyes. Our little family was so happy despite the weight on our shoulders. We had a beautiful, healthy sweet baby girl who was (and is) the center of our universe. Despite the threat of Hunter deploying, we were together. We had new mommy & daddy friends who had wee ones just like us. Some of them were facing deployments as well.


"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose" ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Recently I've found myself remembering what I once considered the hardest year of my life---Hunter's last deployment & the year Sunshine was 3. My friends with children will agree with me that the 3's are so much worse than the supposed "Terrible 2's". I had nights where I would be praying for 7 o'clock to roll around so Sunshine could get in bed & I could get some peace. The emergence of free will & vocabulary in a child, especially a strong willed child is frightening at times. Going it alone while fearing for your spouse's life makes it that much worse. Turning 40 during that time adds to the mix.

It's amazing to me how time away from something changes your perspective. While Hunter's last deployment was hard, it wasn't as horrible as I remember. Scary, yes but I look back on my time with Sunshine & know those were some special times for the 2 of us. Days we will never get back. While Hunter wasn't able to spend them with us, I'm happy that I was able to carry on & enjoy some things along the journey.

When I look at the picture of us on that fall day in '04, I see a happy family. The same as I see today.

Have a great weekend!

I can't even come up with a witty title

I was on Ravelry earlier & one of my friends had linked to this blog
in theirs.

See if you still have dry eyes by the end of it. I didn't. Boo is an awfully lucky boy to have such a wonderful mama.

I voted

Did you?

This picture is circa 1910. As a woman, the mother in the picture does not legally have the right to vote. Her daughter, born in 1903, would be almost 18 when Vermont (her home state) would ratify the 19th Amendment in Feb. 1921.


This was the first election where Hunter & I have gone to vote together. As a service member living in a state other than his home state, he chose to maintain his VA residency & therefore, voted via absentee ballot. After bringing Sunshine to school today we went to vote together & saw several of our neighbors at the polls, as well as several parents from Sunshine's school.

We take voting very seriously in our house. We discuss politics & manage to be nonpartisan in our conversations with Sunshine. I want her to form her own opinions based on the knowledge she has been given.

I normally vote for a candidate based on their platform or what they've done during their previous term in office. Today I voted against a candidate based on his inability (or his staff's inability) to return a phone call & letter. Two months ago, Hunter was having problems getting information regarding money owed to him from the VA. If you've never had the opportunity to deal with their phone system, thank God. Their phone lines open at 8 am. If you call after say, 11, you're told to hang up & try your call again tomorrow as all lines are busy. Disconnect, thankyouverymuch. Even calling at 8 am doesn't mean your call will be answered in a timely manner. It's nothing to wait 30 minutes to speak with someone. And if you manage to speak with someone, it's rare that they will even be able to help you.

So back to this phone call & letter that went unanswered. Under the Post 9/11-GI Bill qualifying soldiers (all military, but we'll just use solider) are entitled to a certain number of months of tuition, a living stipend & book money. Hunter had no problem getting his tuition paid, but for some reason his living stipend & book money were in arrears. Which we expected, but not to the degree we experienced. Calling the VA was frustrating as I indicated above. IF he did manage to speak to someone, he was told the money would be deposited "soon!" and that it was "coming". But it never came. It was suggested to us to contact our senators & representative, which we did. Two of them followed through with phone calls and letters. The third didn't. At all. So today at the polls, I exercised my right to not vote for someone whose staff clearly didn't see the need to exercise their ability to help those who put them in office in the first place.

By the way, that mother in Vermont in 1910 who didn't have the right to vote? My great-grandmother. The little girl in the picture was my Grammy.