A friend was recently told that, as a SAHM, she doesn't work. This was said to her by a mother whose children spent roughly 10 hrs a day in daycare from the time they were 6 weeks until they started school.
SAHM asked Non-SAHM if she thought the caregivers at the daycare worked. The reply? "Of course they work! They cared for MY children."
Soooo, caring for someone else's child is working, but caring for your own isn't because it's what? Expected? Required? Help me with this one. As a SAHM aren't you caring for your child while doing what needs to be done around your house at the same time? Cleaning, laundry, dishes, yard work, taxi service, etc?
I'm not looking to get into the big debate of who has it harder, SAHMs or Non-SAHMs. I'm not judging Non-SAHMs. Some of them look at those of us who are fortunate enough to be SAHMs with envy and jealousy in their eyes. Of course, some of us are looked at with contempt for "selling out" or "not being able to cut it". Then there are the SAHMs who judge Non-SAHMs for choosing to work rather than care for their own children. Whatever your situation is, I hope you're in the one you chose.
I've learned that time with those we love is precious, be it our children, our parents, our family & friends. This moment will never happen again. You're only young once (don't I know it!) & your children are little for only such a short period of time. There are days I regret that I let my Post-Partum Depression eat up the first 6 months of Sunshine's life. I'm grateful that I'm able to stay home with Sunshine. And while they were some of the hardest, most trying days of my life, that I was able to shoulder the responsibility of being both Mommy AND Daddy while Hunter was deployed.
So, tell me---is caring for someone else's child work but caring for your own isnt??
I was googliing and came across your post.
ReplyDeleteIt is way harder for a non-SAHM than for a SAHM. Hands down, we do everything around the house and manage a job outside the home. While I have never passed judgement on a SAHM vs. a Non SAHM, I may have missed out on some stuff with my kids but really if they do something at daycare for the first time, they will do it again for me and it will be just like the first time. I believe my career makes me a better mom and it is all about work/family life balance. We need women doctors, lawyers, scientist, and soldiers, why should they be denied the joy of motherhood because they are working for the greater good. I find it ok if a woman chooses to stay home, but I also find careers moms to be real wonderful ladies for all they do, not just for their families but in their careers.
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ReplyDeleteAnonymous (you could have posted your name!)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input & for stopping by!
For me, becoming a SAHM was the next chapter in my life. I'd had a career (makeup artist) that I loved for many years but being an Army wife with a frequently-deployed husband didn't lend itself to me working. When I was pregnant, hubby & I decided together that the best thing for our family was for me to stay home. Apart from the adjustment the first few months, I've never looked back on my time as a SAHM with regret.
I agree with you on the female doctors, lawyers, etc. It is important to our children, especially our daughters to see women in these roles. One of my friends went back to work when her youngest was a year old. It was a hard adjustment as she had been a SAHM for several years with her other child. She is, by her own admission, a better parent w/ #2 because she's forced to balance things.
Interestingly enough, she has written thank yous & given Christmas gifts to 2 of the women (SAHMs) in her daughters classes b/c they willingly take her girls on field trips when she can't get away.
*ETA---I'm not looking to see who has it "harder", what I'm curious about is this---does a SAHM not work at raising their children, but the daycare provider does??
I have been, at one time, a SAHM, a work from home mom, and a single mom who was forced to go back to work. When I remarried I continued to work because I liked it. Ever hear the expression 'if mama ain't happy then ain't nobody happy?' A woman should do what she feels is right for herself and her family.
ReplyDeleteAll groups lay claim to some wonderful ladies, just as all lay claim to some of worst people you'd ever meet.
To answer the original question, yes, a SAHM IS a working mother. All mothers are. To say she's not is like saying a work away from home mom isn't a mother at all.
Hugs from the Great White North,
Jess
I don't think one is harder than the other they are just different. Each one presents its own challenges, problems and rewards. Having been a working mom and now a laid off SAHM I can say that SAHMs are working moms. Like you said it is no different than a daycare provider and actually being a SAHM involves more than just being a baby wrangler. You do have cleaning, laundry, meal prep, etc to do as well as watching your kid(s). I just wish women could stop with the competition and realisze that what may work for one family won't work for every family.
ReplyDeleteYea, a SAHM is working. I read a study once that said if a SAHM was paid for everything she did her salary would around $100,000 a year if she charged for all the work she did. I stayed at home when my four kids were young and then after the youngest was in upper elementary I started teaching full time. What I found was I was still very busy. But, I think the question was is it not work when you take care of your kids but work if somesome else does because they actually get paid. To each their own but it is still definately work if you are a SAHM.
ReplyDeleteI think a SAHM works just as hard as a non-SAHM, just with different challenges and different agendas. My Mom was a SAHM most of my life and she worked just as hard as anyone with a job.
ReplyDeleteI would say certainly a SAHM is a working Mom. She generally just doesn't get a 'paycheck' persay for her hours of attention to her details that she completes for the day. She's not just taking care of herself, she's doing the tasks that need to be completed for the day towards a goal. She's got a list to fill, and needs to be met and a schedule to keep on task. And she doesn't get sick time, coffee breaks or pay union dues. Nor does she get to clock out at 5pm.
ReplyDeleteI've been lucky enough to be both. A SAHM and a NON-SAHM. Both have their blessings and 'I just wish that..." that goes with either one. But just try and tell me that I wasn't a "working Mom" when I 'stayed home' when my kids were little. I dare anyone. It's a very short conversation in my house.
Hug any Mom ... be it a stay at home, or a non-stay at home, they could always use help with the household chores, rather than another argument.
Just my two cents as I'm now trying to figure out how to be care-giving daughter from 3,000 miles away. Lots of work, lots of love, and lots of dishes on either end of the spectrum.
Cathy,
ReplyDeleteI knew that if anyone could give a thoughtful, heartfelt answer, it would be you!
((hugs))
I like how you said "the one you choose". Caring for a family and home is valid and certainly "work". Without a doubt, we live in a wonderful world that allows women the freedom of choice. Even if working outside the home is more a matter of necessity, than of choice...it is certainly possible to choose work you love and balance it with family life. (Even if some days it feels like you are working two jobs and putting in overtime!)
ReplyDeleteI think that we forget how privileged we are to live in a modern world with so many modern conveniences that the sheer drudgery of caring for a family completely prevented women from having both a career outside the home and still do the gardening, canning, carding, spinning, sewing, cleaning, the raising of babies, baking, preserving, and more and more and more..you get the picture.
Raising children and caring for the home with the modern conveniences of today is still a full time job. It takes planning and perseverence and consistency and yes, work, to care for a home. But thank goodness we have grocery stores and vacuum cleaners to help.
I'm a SAHM and I look at myself as my daughters personal trainer, teacher, nutritionist, stylist and dance teacher. I also do private dog training sessions, house cleaning (including windows) laundry service and I'm a personal chef/nutritionist on the side...well for my famiy.
ReplyDeletePeople normally pay and outsource these services when they can't get it done themselves so why wouldn't it be considered work if a mom who has the most important job in the world (raising humans) is doing it?
My only gripe is that a SAHM doesn't actually have an end to the workday unless she's sleeping and in the workplace you get a lunch break by law, babies don't respect that law. ;)