Parents Can't Be Fired

And, isn't that shame in some cases?

We've finished day 3 of our 4 day BOGO Book fair and I find myself on my couch watching a DVR'd episode of Toddlers & Tiaras.  I also have laryngitis & am eternally grateful to my wonderful husband for taking Sunshine to a birthday party @ Chuck E Cheese.  On a Saturday.  I need to do something super nice for him to make up for this!

So anyway, have you noticed that parents can't be fired?  You can be the crappiest parent on the face of the earth & it takes a court of law for you to be fired.

Since I've spent so much time at school this past week (most weeks really), I've seen the results of crappy parenting.

There are obviously tons of books at a Book Fair, but there's also the "junk" table as we call it.  Pencils, erasers, $2 erasers, $1.50 pencils, $5 pens.  Those stupid pointers that kids have no need for but  they cannot pull themselves away from them.  Then there's the pointer pen/combo.  And of course, the posters.

I understand the need for the junk table but I also understand the lure & the temptation of it as well.  Yes folks, elementary kids shoplift at the book fair.

One of our budding little thieves is a 1st grade girl.  She has a sweet face & I'm willing to bet that if her parents gave half a damn, she'd be one of those great kids that everyone loves.  But the fact is, her parents don't even give 1/16 of a damn.  She comes to school in mismatched clothes, looking like she just rolled out of bed.  She's disruptive in class, has flipped her teacher the bird too many times to mention, her folder has that black crayon scribble that is generally associated with serial killers, she's stabbed herself with a pencil & has stolen stuff from her classmates.

She's 6, people.  SIX years old.  She's been disciplined at school & sadly her behavior has led to her being ostracized by her classmates.  Her parents have been told repeatedly that she needs help.  She needs therapy.   They don't bring her because "it's too far to drive".

Sad sack daddy say what??  Your child is STABBING themselves with a pencil & you're not willing to get her the help she needs?  Pardon my language, but what the hell???  Who the hell ARE these people?  Her teacher & the administrators are at their wits end.  They want to see her get help.  They want her to fit in &  be a normal kid.  But sadly their hands are tied.

On Thursday, the 9 year old girl who shoplifted at our book fair back in Sept came to shop.  She was turned in back in the fall by her classmates.  As a PTA member, my hands are tied when it comes to any sort of disciplinary action.  But our Super Bookatarian came to the rescue &  handled the situation.  So, whenever this girl comes into the library for the fair, I set my volunteers on an eagle eye mission to watch her.  One of the wonderful ladies from my knit group came to help out this time around & was on this girl like a hawk to the point where she was beyond frustrated & didn't lift anything.  This time.  Who knows what happens in brick & mortar stores.

Then, yesterday we had another 9 year old girl steal.  She was smart (or really dumb, however you choose to see it) & had her friend with her as a shield.  She stole a Han Solo Lego figure out of a book.  I was outside the fair talking to a PTA volunteer who wants to chair a couple events next year so I missed the whole thing.  When I returned to the library I was filled in on everything.  Our library clerk was still shaking as she was the one who saw it happen & who confronted the girl.

Unlike our lost little 6 year old, this girl's family would buy her anything.  Only they don't like facing the fact that their daughter has issues.  Both of the girls were brought to the principal's office, confronted & unfortunately the Lego figure is missing.  We don't know if he wound up in the trash, thrown behind the book fair fixtures, or who knows where.  The girls were brought home by their parents.

Now, if you know anything about book fair, you know that after each one, Super Bookatarian & I celebrate by going out for margaritas.  The rule is you can come with us if you've volunteered for the fair.  Last night was our margarita night & we were joined by 3 teachers.  One of them pointed out that our 9 year old girl's mom was seated at a table near ours.  I understand you have commitments &  that you need your mom time.  But for pete's sake, your child was accused of stealing & you're out having cocktails & munchies???

It all makes sense, doesn't it?

Last week, I saw the Facebook status of an acquaintance.  It said that she didn't want to the the mommy that day.

I don't know about you, but no one ever told me that there was a choice.  That you can take off the mommy hat & go back to your life before you were the mommy.  Is there a choice?  Have I been misled?

Being a mom (or dad) is no joke.  You're on the job 24/7/365.  Your job doesn't end because the kids are at school or in bed.  It doesn't end when they leave the house & go off on their own.  This gig's sort of like being Pope.  You're in it for life.  The fancy hat is optional.  And sadly you don't get the Pope's car.  Which would be kind of cool.

But I digress.

As a parent you are responsible for EVERYTHING.  You're the good guy, the bad guy, the hard-ass, the safe place, Miss Manners, chief advocate, mediator, chauffeur, secretary, maid, care giver, chef, etc, etc, blah blah blah.

Again, this gig is no joke.   But it doesn't come with a time card.  Too few people realize this.

Let's revisit 6 year old lost girl.  She has a classmate who destroyed a book case in his teacher's class.  Now, had that been Sunshine, I'm pretty sure that I would have gone into that school, on my knees, begging forgiveness with checkbook in hand to make restitution.  This boy's mom?  Blamed the teacher for his outburst.    His reading problem?  The teacher's fault.  She needs to work with him more.  Those other 22 kids in the class?  Forget them.  They'll be fine on their own, but her baby?  Needs help.

She approached me in the fall &  in an indirect way started to ask me if I would watch her children after school.  I love the work I do at Sunshine's school, but I am NOT watching anyone's children on a regular basis after school.  Sunshine gets along w/ this boy's brother (they've been in the same class for 2 years), but after a while, they start to rub each other the wrong way.  She doesn't need to be having a bad week or whatever with him at school &  then have him in her home afterward.  And I'm going to admit, I like our afternoons.  We have snacks, playtime, homework, dinner, etc.  Throwing 2 boys into the mix isn't going to happen.

So after I tell her that I'm frequently busy after school I found myself being approached by the teacher's aide who had been watching them.  She told me I made a wise decision as this mom cannot handle hearing anything negative about her sons.  And you do NOT discipline them.  She does.  We know she really doesn't but still.

Fast forward to Christmas time.  She approaches me again to ask if I could carve out some time when I'm at school to go into her younger son's classroom to read with him.  No, she's not going to pay me &  I know she doesn't read much with him at night at home, but could I do this pro bono work for her?  I have a degree in education.  I have experience working with children.  The times I'm at school I'm busy.  Part of the reason why I don't walk Sunshine into school in the mornings is because I will wind up being there for an hour or two.

Why do people expect others to raise their children for them?  I'm more than willing to tutor this boy, but you're paying me.  If that makes me a rotten person, then hand me the crown &  the sash.  I'll own it.  We read with Sunshine---we have since she was a little, little baby.  I leave my Monday night knitting group early to come home to read with her.  It's that important to us.

Kids aren't pets that can be left to their own devices.  They need guidance.  They need rules, they need standards &  they need parents who will be examples to them.  They need parents who are there for them & who hold them accountable.  They need parents who love them &  who want them to be the best they can be.

Kinda hard to do when you're blaming someone else for their crappy behavior while you're out having drinks, wouldn't you say?