A real "must see"

Last night HBO premiered a documentary called War Torn about PTSD. It offers a glimpse into the personal hell faced by the soldiers who suffer from it. It also shares the frustrations & fears their families experience.

Back in '08 when Hunter came home from his 3rd & final tour in Iraq, we spent 3 hours in a mandatory marriage seminar that focused on helping military couples remember what it's like to live as a couple again. It also touched on PTSD & at the time how 12-20% of all returning soldiers would suffer from it. That percentage has been raised to almost 30%.

I first suspected something wasn't right with Hunter when he came home from his 2nd tour in '06. He managed to hide his symptoms for about 7 months after coming home. He met with a chaplain in the Family Life Offices on post (usually a first stop for most soldiers & their families dealing with post-deployment issues). They suggested he come back, but that was about it. They were busy preparing for their next deployment as we were on the year home/year gone cycle. He left again in March '07 as part of the surge & would be gone 14 months.

Within a few months of returning in '08, his symptoms of PTSD & TBI began to manifest. The agitation, discomfort with crowds, noise, the memory issues, various physical issues--all classic textbook symptoms. I began to notice that these were lessened if we were away from home. Thanksgiving & Christmas were spent with family out of state & things were nice. With the exception that some family members didn't want accept the possibility that he had PTSD. One person told me that so & so couldn't accept the fact that Hunter had PTSD. Others suggested that his thyroid was off & maybe he needed to be tested as it ran in the family. It's hard to comprehend what things are like for the spouse of a soldier unless you've been the spouse of a soldier. Just as I will never know what things were like for Hunter (or any soldier) when they're in country because I wasn't there.

All I knew was things weren't right with my husband & I felt like I had almost no one to turn to. What should have been a happy time for us (having him home with us ) was frustrating because my fears were dismissed as other people wanted to sweep them under the rug for their own comfort.

I should say, I have one friend who got it at that time. Her experience w/ her husband's PTSD nearly destroyed their family & their marriage. She was and is a huge source of inspiration to me & knowing she & her husband came through it all made me believe that we could too. She knows who she is & that I love her.


Starting in late January & going thru June '09, we saw him 2-3 days a week. It was almost like a deployment only I knew he was no more than 25 miles away & he wasn't in harm's way. On the days he was home, he was exhausted & needed to catch up on laundry & whatever else the Army was demanding of him. In mid-June he finally found a doctor who was willing to work with him.

In July '09, I was on my way to VT to visit my parents as my father was dying. Hunter was supposed to leave for a 30 day TDY & we had an emergency plan in place should Dad die while Hunter was gone. I was 3 hours away from home when Hunter called me. His PTSD had come to a head & he was basically breaking down. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. I was so far away from him & had no way to help him. We agreed he should go to the ER & I began calling his supervisors. One of whom was absolutely no help. He suggested that perhaps Hunter was just not wanting to go on the TDY. No one wants to go on a 30 day TDY less than 2 months before they're leaving for a 14-15 month deployment, but to suggest that was the problem was completely stupid.

July '09 was a brutal month for our family. My father did die on the 17th of July. Hunter began treatment for his PTSD & would eventually be diagnosed with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury), as well as other physical issues. In Sept. 09 he would be transferred to the Warrior Transition Brigade where he received daily treatment. It felt like a weight was lifted from our shoulders as FINALLY someone got it! They knew what was wrong, they didn't try to deny it, they treated him & accepted him. They wanted him to get better. We began seeing a change in him at home--his patience level increased. We didn't have to leave parties early b/c of the noise. The memory issues slowly improved. In February '10 he received his disability rating from the Army & in May, was retired.

The funny thing about being medically retired is there is no walking across the stage. There's no ceremony, no thanking the soldier for their service. You're just done. Game over.

So, back to War Torn. I didn't expect to feel the emotions that I did while watching. I didn't expect to see aspects of our life together on TV. The coping skills of one of the wives really hit home & I saw so much of myself in her. The things she's thought, the thing's she's had to do. I sat there & just bawled like a baby.

I feel that I should stop for a second & say that unlike this woman's husband, Hunter has never become violent. Not all PTSD victims are.

But man, so many of the things she & her husband said & did---been there, done that.

When it was over & I managed to dry my eyes, I gave Hunter a huge hug & told him how much I love him. BRAVO, HBO for putting this out there. For taking away the stigma associated with PTSD. For showing the human side of it.