Thursday, June 2, 2011

How do you

handle other people's children & their bad behavior?  Specifically the children of friends.  Like when you're sharing a house on vacation.

As you know, Sunshine & I went to Disney with a friend & her children last week.  The first day we were there, the drama started.  Screaming, whining, not wanting to participate (ie, go on rides) & general stinky behavior that wound up in a spanking in the bathroom around the corner from Cinderella's castle.  Along with the threat that daddy would come pick her up (6 1/2 hrs away!) if it didn't stop.

Now, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that this child is almost 8 & suffers from ADHD, depression & sensory issues.  As well as issues from her parents' divorce.

But, issues aside, the expectation for good behavior isn't there.  While the mom is a friend of mine, she's often preoccupied.  This trip she was busy texting her sister, mother, & potential new boyfriend.

Hunter & I have high standards for Sunshine's behavior----I'll be the first to admit that we're strict with her.  Maybe it's how we were both raised.  Maybe it's that we were older (mid-late 30's) when she was born & used to our house being a certain way.  Maybe it's that we never wanted to be the "cool" parents or friends to Sunshine.  Child rearing is serious business & we both feel that if children are given a standard, they will rise to that standard.  Most of the time.

Sunshine is far from perfect, but she's a pretty good kid.    Always has been.  There have been days (weeks? months? Hello, terrible 3's--I'm looking at you!) where she's tried our patience but overall, we're fortunate to have such a sweet girl.  And one who is serious issue free.  Believe me, I think God for that daily.

So, back to friend's daughter.  She's almost 8.  She ought to know that she's expected to use utensils when she eats, right?  I'm sure she does, but at 2 of our meals together she wasn't.  And mom was too busy texting to notice.  Which irks me to no end.  I think most parents are guilty of over-texting, playing on their phones, computers, whatever at some point but please,  pay attention to your child.  And if you're not, don't get upset when other people do & comment to the child or to you.

Friend & I are on the outs as a result of our differences in how we expect our children to behave.  I was told to "lighten up, it's Disney World!".   Yes, it may be Disney World, but that doesn't mean that your child can go hog wild & annoy the bejeebus out of everyone else at the parks.  Or worse, risk getting hurt because you can't, or wont, control them.

After many texts, phone calls & conversations with Hunter, Sunshine & I came home a day early.  I couldn't handle it anymore & Sunshine couldn't either.  She missed her Daddy & rather than drive to Cocoa Beach for a dip in the ocean, wanted to drive home to swim with Daddy at the pool on Sunday.  And Monday.   Hunter & I agreed that we need to focus on our friendships with people whose child rearing practices are similar to ours.  For our sanity & for Sunshine's benefit.

So, dear readers, I'm asking you this---what do you do in instances like this?  Do you chime in or do you bite your tongue?

3 comments:

  1. I've taught Sunday School and worked in the church nursery for so long, I'm pretty used to correcting other people's children. Maybe it's weird because I don't have children of my own. I don't know. Most of the time, parents don't seem to mind, occasionally I'll get a funny look. I usually try to use humor or redirection if I say something to a child. Like, "Jack, I know your parents taught you better than that, didn't they?" Or "Catherine, you need to apologize to your mom for embarrassing her by doing that!" Usually the kid and the parents get the point then.

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  2. The sad thing is she's never gotten the point. There have been other incidents where she's commented that we were making her look bad (by correcting Sunshine) but she never changes her parenting style. We're the ones that are "so strict"

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  3. Sigh..so very sorry that the problems interfered with your enjoyment of this much anticipated trip. Stay strict, and Sunshine will love you all the more for it. Parenting is a job, and you're right, it is impossible to do the job if you are being self centered and distracted. Emotional issues aside, all children do better with expectations, routine, and correction when needed.

    You know school teachers, at times, have to deal with misbehavior, bad manners, and downright rudeness from students. It is an indicator of parenting style...not that the child has a problem (children will and do test limits all the time), but how the parent reacts to the problem. Far too many seem to see it as the teacher's problem...not theirs. What happened to the days of "if you get in trouble at school, you get double when you get home?"

    To actually answer your question...it depends. I'm a huge chicken at heart, but, I have to say, I would probably have to chime in when their misbehavior begins to affect our enjoyment or my child's behavior. I often do correct the kids themselves though...that is the teacher in me coming out.

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